Dying to be Free - by Nonceba Bhebhe
OH! How I wish I could cash in my life for a "better one"
These were the words I uttered one day
I remember this particular day because jumping off a building seemed like a piece of cake with a cup of hot chocolate on the side on a rainy day.
I remember this day because it's the day I had two choices.
To let that thought linger and marinade and eventually become reality or to get up from where I was and seek for help. The fact that I am writing this now, you have already guessed which choice I made.
For longest time I battled.
Battled asking myself why I even exist. I wasn't like other people.
I felt I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I thought :wow I'm wasting sooooooo much space by living.
Funny thing is I am that person who is ever willing to be present for others and be there for them. Yet I struggled to extend that same gesture to myself. Dealing with my thoughts became a battle...going to sleep was my favorite part of the day; though I struggled to.
But being able to not think was bliss. Even if it was just 2 hours on some days. Waking up to a flood of thoughts emotions and physical pains became harder and harder each day. Until the day I made the choice. A choice to be kind to myself.
I reached out to someone in my messy state.
It wasn't easy but its the kindest gesture I've ever done!
And this time it was to me. There is no quick fix, easy way out for all this. Absolutely none. But being kind to yourself is a start. It also makes you aware and be able to seek for help to the right people. When you are unkind to yourself there is a high chance that you will throw yourself to a lion den of the most unsympathetic human beings.
So if you are out there battling my mental health awareness advice would be...be kind to yourself. Being kind to yourself will lead you to finding the right support too❤
You are not in this fight alone.
You keep fighting, for the fact that you are still out there shows you are a warrior, a fighter, you are strong! Don't think any less of yourself✨